Life Lessons You Should Learn (grab fro the web)

Always swallow your pride to say you’re sorry. Being too proud to apologize is never worth it — your relationship suffers for no good benefit.

Possessions are worse than worthless — they’re harmful. They add no value to your life, and cost you everything. Not just the money required to buy them, but the time and money spent shopping for them, maintaining them, worrying about them, insuring them, fixing them, etc.

Slow down. Rushing is rarely worth it. Life is better enjoyed at a leisurely pace.

Goals aren’t as important as we think. Try working without them for a week. Turns out, you can do amazing things without goals. And you don’t have to manage them, cutting out on some of the bureaucracy of your life. You’re less stressed without goals, and you’re freer to choose paths you couldn’t have foreseen without them.

The moment is all there is. All our worries and plans about the future, all our replaying of things that happened in the past — it’s all in our heads, and it just distracts us from fully living right now. Let go of all that, and just focus on what you’re doing, right at this moment. In this way, any activity can be meditation.

When your child asks for your attention, always grant it. Give your child your full attention, and instead of being annoyed at the interruption, be grateful for the reminder to spend time with someone you love.

Don’t go into debt. That includes credit card debt, student debt, home debt, personal loans, auto loans. We think they’re necessary but they’re not, at all. They cause more headaches than they’re worth, they can ruin lives, and they cost us way more than we get. Spend less than you earn, go without until you have the money.
I’m not cool, and I’m cool with that. I wasted a lot of energy when I was younger worrying about being cool. It’s way more fun to forget about that, and just be yourself.

The only kind of marketing you need is an amazing product. If it’s good, people will spread the word for you. All other kind of marketing is disingenuous.

Never send an email or message that’s unfit for the eyes of the world. In this digital age, you never know what might slip into public view.

You can’t motivate people. The best you can hope for is to inspire them with your actions. People who think they can use behavioral “science” or management techniques have not spent enough time on the receiving end of either.

If you find yourself swimming with all the other fish, go the other way. They don’t know where they’re going either.

You will miss a ton, but that’s OK. We’re so caught up in trying to do everything, experience all the essential things, not miss out on anything important … that we forget the simple fact that we cannot experience everything. That physical reality dictates we’ll miss most things. We can’t read all the good books, watch all the good films, go to all the best cities in the world, try all the best restaurants, meet all the great people. But the secret is: life is better when we don’t try to do everything. Learn to enjoy the slice of life you experience, and life turns out to be wonderful.

Mistakes are the best way to learn. Don’t be afraid to make them. Try not to repeat the same ones too often.

Failures are the stepping stones to success. Without failure, we’ll never learn how to succeed. So try to fail, instead of trying to avoid failure through fear.

Rest is more important than you think. People work too hard, forget to rest, and then begin to hate their jobs. In fitness, you see it constantly: people training for a marathon getting burned out because they don’t know how to let their straining muscles and joints recover. People who try to do too much because they don’t know that rest is where their body gets stronger, after the stress.

There are few joys that equal a good book, a good walk, a good hug, or a good friend. All are free.

Fitness doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a long process, a learning process, something that happens in little bits over a long period. I’ve been getting fit for five years now, and I still have more to learn and do. But the progress I’ve made has been amazing, and it’s been a great journey.

The destination is just a tiny slice of the journey. We’re so worried about goals, about our future, that we miss all the great things along the way. If you’re fixated on the goal, on the end, you won’t enjoy it when you get there. You’ll be worried about the next goal, the next destination.

A good walk cures most problems. Want to lose weight and get fit? Walk. Want to enjoy life but spend less? Walk. Want to cure stress and clear your head? Walk. Want to meditate and live in the moment? Walk. Having trouble with a life or work problem? Walk, and your head gets clear.

Let go of expectations. When you have expectations of something — a person, an experience, a vacation, a job, a book — you put it in a predetermined box that has little to do with reality. You set up an idealized version of the thing (or person) and then try to fit the reality into this ideal, and are often disappointed. 

Instead, try to experience reality as it is, appreciate it for what it is, and be happy that it is.

Giving is so much better than getting. Give with no expectation of getting something in return, and it becomes a purer, more beautiful act. Too often we give something and expect to get an equal measure in return — at least get some gratitude or recognition for our efforts. Try to let go of that need, and just give.

Competition is very rarely as useful as cooperation. Our society is geared toward competition — rip each other’s throats out, survival of the fittest, yada yada. But humans are meant to work together for the survival of the tribe, and cooperation pools our resources and allows everyone to contribute what they can. It requires a whole other set of people skills to work cooperatively, but it’s well worth the effort.

Gratitude is one of the best ways to find contentment. We are often discontent in our lives, desire more, because we don’t realize how much we have. Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, be grateful for the amazing gifts you’ve been given: of loved ones and simple pleasures, of health and sight and the gift of music and books, of nature and beauty and the ability to create, and everything in between. Be grateful every day.

Compassion for other living things is more important than pleasure. Many people scoff at vegetarianism because they love the taste of meat and cheese too much, but they are putting the pleasure of their taste buds ahead of the suffering of other living, feeling beings. You can be perfectly healthy on a vegetarian (even vegan) diet, so killing and torturing animals is absolutely unnecessary. Compassion is a much more fulfilling way to live than closing your eyes to suffering.

Taste buds change. I thought I could never give up meat, but by doing it slowly, I never missed it. I thought I could never give up junk food like sweets, fried crap, nachos, all kinds of unhealthy things … and yet today I would rather eat some fresh berries or raw nuts. Weird, but it’s amazing how much our taste buds can change.

Create. The world is full of distractions, but very few are as important as creating. In my job as a writer, there is nothing that comes close to being as crucial as creating. In my life, creating is one of the few things that has given me meaning. When it’s time to work, clear away all else and create.

Get some perspective. Usually when we’re worried or upset, it’s because we’ve lost perspective. In the larger picture, this one problem means almost nothing. This fight we’re having with someone else — it’s over something that matters naught. Let it go, and move on.

Don’t sit too much. It kills you. Move, dance, run, play.

Use the magic of compound interest. Invest early, and it will grow as if by alchemy. Live on little, don’t get into debt, save all you can, and invest it in mutual funds. Watch your money grow.

All we are taught in schools, and all we see in the media (news, films, books, magazines, Internet) has a worldview that we’re meant to conform to. Figure out what that worldview is, and question it. Ask if there are alternatives, and investigate. Hint: the corporations exert influence over all of our information sources. Another hint: read Chomsky.

Learn the art of empathy. Too often we judge people on too little information. We must try to understand what they do instead, put ourselves in their shoes, start with the assumption that what others do has a good reason if we understand what they’re going through. Life becomes much better if you learn this art.
Do less. Most people try to do too much. They fill life with checklists, and try to crank out tasks as if they were widget machines. Throw out the checklists and just figure out what’s important. Stop being a machine and focus on what you love. Do it lovingly.

No one knows what they’re doing as parents. We’re all faking it, and hoping we’re getting it right. Some people obsess about the details, and miss out on the fun. I just try not to mess them up too much, to show them they’re loved, to enjoy the moments I can with them, to show them life is fun, and stay out of the way of them becoming the amazing people they’re going to become. That they already are.

Love comes in many flavors. I love my children, completely and more than I can ever fully understand. I love them each in a different way, and know that each is perfect in his or her own way.

Life is exceedingly brief. You might feel like there’s a huge mass of time ahead of you, but it passes much faster than you think. Your kids grow up so fast you get whiplash. You get gray hairs before you’re done getting your bearings on life. Appreciate every damn moment.

Fear will try to stop you. Doubts will try to stop you. You’ll shy away from doing great things, from going on new adventures, from creating something new and putting it out in the world, because of self-doubt and fear. It will happen in the recesses of your mind, where you don’t even know it’s happening. Become aware of these doubts and fears. Shine some light on them. Beat them with a thousand tiny cuts. Do it anyway, because they are wrong.

I have a lot left to learn. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that I know almost nothing, and that I’m often wrong about what I think I know. Life has many lessons left to teach me, and I’m looking forward to them all.

contentment-(grab from the web)

contentment - http://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/learn-the-art-of-contentment-and-reduce-the-stress-in-your-life.html

Are you the kind of person that always looks to see what kind of car your neighbor is driving? Or are you worried about what your co-workers are making as far as salary? Not happy in your job, marriage, friendships, or “fill in the blank”?

You need to learn the art of contentment. Being content is not being driven by always wanting more. I know that ambition is a prized trait in our society. I am not saying that ambition is wrong. What I am saying is that the constant striving for more and not enjoying what you have or where you are at the moment will drive you crazy. Things do and will change. Have the attitude that they will change for the better. That can co-exist with being content. The attitude you have for the present will determine your stress level and even if you are in the right space or not to accomplish what you want for yourself.

I would like to give you couple ways to bring contentment into your life. As with anything, learning to master contentment takes practice. Work these techniques into your life and start to see the difference in your stress level.



Learn a Right View of Problems

There is an old saying, “What you focus on expands.” Have you noticed that when you buy a car, you start noticing people driving the same model? That is because you are hypersensitive and focused on that model. It is the same way with problems. If you focus on what is wrong in your life, what you don’t have that is what you will constantly see. You will see what you look for.

Now I am not telling you to ignore problems. Take them straight on and deal with them. Always think of them as temporary and changing and then, most important take action to change them. The difference between being content and not is understanding that the problem is a temporary situation. One of the main causes of suicide is seeing problems and situations as permanent and taking a permanent solution to them. All things change.

If you look for what is right in your life, you will end up seeing many things.

Learn to Cultivate Gratitude

One of the big problems of media these days is that we get an incorrect view ofreality. We get false expectations. Everyone has a new car, each family has a 4,000 square foot home. You don’t see reality. The world is imperfect. There blemishes on the most beautiful apple. There will always be something wrong with everything. When we are content we can separate reality from our expectations.

Keep a mental or even written list of the things you are grateful for in your life. When you hit a rough patch, review them and remind yourself why you are grateful for what is going on in your life. You can do these by topic. Make a list of what you are grateful in your job, in your spouse, etc.

Don’t focus on comparisons. What someone else has or what someone else makes. The problem is that people only compare themselves to those who have more or make more. No one ever compares themselves to people who have or make less. Therefore they make false comparisons. Just stay away from comparisons totally and you will find yourself much less stressed out.
Stake Your Life on What Satisfies Your Passion

Bring into your life what satisfies your passions. Nothing will bring happiness, stress-free living quicker than by doing things you enjoy. It may be art, a hobby, travel, a course on improving yourself in some way, even something as simple as listening to a foreign language tape on your daily commute. I know some of you are saying you don’t have time. There is always time to squeeze in something you like to do.

What you don’t want to do is fully stake your life on what you don’t like. What you focus on expands. Once again, view that situation as in the process of changing while you concentrate on those things that bring you joy.
Contentment of the Spirit

Mark Twain said that the master passion of man was the contentment of the spirit. That is what we are really striving for, just to be content. Go ahead and practice these steps and see what they bring you.

Every adversity carries with it the seed of an equivalent or greater benefit – Napoleon Hill Read (grab from the web)

How To Deal With People Who Put You Down

by Catherine Pratt
www.Life-With-Confidence.com

Dealing with people who put you down can be a painful and hurtful experience.
Sometimes, the scars even last a lifetime.



I know I’ve certainly experienced put downs from people at various times throughout my life. I’m not sure it’s possible to go through life not meeting one of these people somewhere along the way so the best strategy seems to be to learn how to deal with them prior to interacting with them.

Here are my suggestions on how to deal with people who put you down:

People Who Put You Down Are Hurt Themselves

The first thing to know is that a happy, self confident, person does not put others down. They might provide constructive criticism but they won’t put others down. This tells you a lot about the person who criticizes you. Some people are very negative about others because:

- they need to make themselves feel like they're in control or more powerful or to cover up their own insecurities
- they’ve experienced a trauma of their own in the past and they don’t know how to deal with the pain so they'll hurt others as a defense mechanism.



People’s tirades against you will probably reveal to you just how unhappy and disillusioned and frustrated that person is with life, and that's their problem, not yours. Knowing this can go a long way to being able to detach from the comments. If you know it has more to do with the person making the comments than about you, it makes it far easier not feel hurt by what’s been said.



Emotionally detaching from a person like this can be hard to do but you need to refuse to become involved. That person wants you to feel badly about yourself. Don’t give them that power.
Comebacks and Comments for People Who Put You Down



The French have a great saying that translated means, “spirit of the stairs”. It’s all those comments and comebacks you think of later that you wished you’d said to the person at the time. But, really, it’s no use sinking to that person’s level. That’s what they want. They want to get a reaction out of you, they want you to feel bad and their intent quite likely was to hurt you. So, by responding with similar put downs against them really only plays into their plan and ends up hurting yourself. You also don’t want to end up with regrets later over what you said in anger. So, what can you say? Try one of the following:

Thank you for your opinion
A response which will throw most criticizers off is to simply say, “Thank you for your opinion” and then just leave it at that. This effectively ends the conversation. They’re waiting for you to respond with anger or a comeback of your own and when you don’t, there’s nothing left for them to say.

Thank you for your gift but I think you should keep it.
When you feel that someone is attacking you can say to them:
“Thank you for your ‘gift’ - but I think you should keep it.”
Or
“That’s very generous of you but I can’t accept that.”


With this comment, it's a reminder to people how powerful their words are and that they should be more aware of what they're saying. Words can be used for good or evil and people tend to forget how damaging their words can be against someone's self esteem. It's also a reminder to you that it’s their anger not yours. You don’t need to take on someone else’s burden. They need to deal with their anger. They may want you to accept their hatred and anger as your own, but it’s really a “gift” that you don't need.

If you take their comments to heart and let them fester inside of you then you've taken on their anger. Just let it go. You don't need it.

Thank You, You May Be Right
Byron Katie in her book, “I Need Your Love – Is That True?” says the best response is to say, “thank you, you may be right.” Her theory is that if a comment makes you feel defensive then that’s a clue that you need to look inside yourself and see why the comment bothers you so much. This could be like receiving a great gift because you’ve discovered an area within that needs healing.

A person can't hurt you unless you let it. It's just a comment that why it's your reaction to the words that's the most important thing to look at. So you could try honestly looking at yourself to see why that person believes that particular comment is true. Are there things you could change? Can you see times when that comment is true about you?

Also, can you figure out why this particular comment bothers you so much? It’s your reaction which will teach you the most about yourself. It's about you and not the other person in this case.

Let the person know how you feel
It’s so important not to sink to that person’s level by retaliating. You could tell the person that you find their comment offensive though. Not in an angry way. Just as a statement of fact. For example, “I feel offended when you dismiss my ideas like that.” Just say it calmly and wait for their response. If possible, try to do this when you’re one on one with the person. They may not even realize that they’re putting you down.

Or if it’s at work and you feel the person is making remarks about your personal behavior, for example, “You’re too sensitive”, you could say, “I’d like to keep this conversation on a professional level, Thanks.” or “Let’s keep our discussion focused on the real issue at hand here.”

This way you’re letting them know that you don’t appreciate their comments yet you’re remaining very professional.





Other aspects to Consider in Regards to Put Downs

You Don’t Need Someone Else’s Approval
There are times when people’s comments will seem like a put down because you’re really seeking their wholehearted approval. They could even say something like, “This is wonderful work you’ve done but could you fix the last paragraph to be stronger?” Then because you're desperate for their approval, you don’t hear the good part, you only hear what you perceive to be a criticism in that they don’t like one section.


If you don’t take it as a put put down then you’ll be more open to taking the comment as an opportunity to improve yourself and your work.



A Quick Way To Build Your Self Esteem - Stop Needing Approval



Are They Confirming Your Story?
In some situations, you may be interpreting someone’s comments as a put down when none was intended. This could be because that’s what you’re expecting or because you’ve got an internal story happening and you see what you want to believe.

Here’s example, if someone gives you a gift, and you truly believe that this person is only out to hurt you, you'll think something like, “sure, he’s just trying to get on my good side” or you’ll see it as insulting. When really the reality might be that they’re trying to show you how much they do care about you. So, ask yourself if you’re really hearing and seeing the situation just as it is, (nothing has any meaning until you give it meaning) or have you added your own story?


What's Your Life Story? Do You Need To Let It Go?



Are They Mirroring Your Beliefs?
Along with the point above is that if you feel deep inside that you’re unlovable, then people will treat you that way. If you feel you only deserve put downs and sarcasm, that is how people will treat you. So, if you discover that there’s a pattern with your relationships with other people, it may be time to ask yourself, what are your inner beliefs?
Mirroring - A Key To Understanding Yourself



Be Aware of the Subtle Put Downs
When you stop and pay attention to the messages you’re receiving every day, you’ll discover that you’re being subjected to more put downs than you probably thought. That’s because they’re everywhere. Everywhere you go, everywhere you look, everything you read, everything you see on TV, there are ads and different groups trying to tell you that you’re not good enough if you don’t have their latest product, or if you don’t look a certain way or if you don’t have a lot of material possessions or have a certain education. They subtly attack your self esteem and your self worth.



No one likes to be criticized and it’s tempting to be sucked into their way of thinking. That’s why in order to really have a healthy self esteem, you need to be able to withstand these constant negative messages about your value.
Summary for Dealing With People Who Put You Down

When dealing with people who put you down, remember:
1. Don’t retaliate with your own putdowns.
2. The comments will tell you a lot about the person who’s making the comments. It’s their anger and frustration and they should deal with it, not you.
3. Can you discover a gift within the comments? You might learn something valuable about yourself that needs to be healed or you might learn how you really feel about yourself.
4. Are you reading something into the comments that aren’t really there because you’re expecting them or because you have certain beliefs?
5. Be aware of the subtle messages (like advertising) that you hear every day which try to destroy your sense of value and self worth.




Put downs are never pleasant to deal with but if you can use them to your advantage, then that’s the best solution of all.



Read more: http://www.life-with-confidence.com/people-who-put-you-down.html#ixzz2fEdqCBqr

We seldom meet a person by accident–the soul never forgets

By Jaime Licauco

Philippine Daily Inquirer

Sometimes a casual remark in a movie or even a comic book may contain words of wisdom, or at least some great insight spoken by an actor or actress.

I remember a scene in “Dark Knight.” When Batman was about to leap out of the balcony in the place of a woman he had just saved, she asked him, “Before you leave, can you tell me who you are?”

Batman looked back at her and softly replied, “It is what I do that defines me.” And then he was gone.

I was struck by Batman’s reply because it reminded me of what the English playwright George Bernard Shaw wrote in his essay, “Man and Superman”: “What a man believes may be gauged not from his creed but from the assumptions under which he daily acts.”

What defines man, or what he truly believes in, cannot be ascertained from his religion, but from the way he behaves or acts in his daily life.

Can you believe Batman talking like this? It is a very different Caped Crusader we find in the trilogy by Frank Miller. But it is still a movie made primarily to entertain, and not to educate or engage us in philosophical dialogue.

More recently, I was surprised to read in Inquirer Entertainment a remark by Sandra Bullock: “I get to dream things and they happen. I get to share this with my adopted son. I want him to know no boundaries.”

No limits

The reason it caught my attention is that I have always taught in my inner mind development courses that “the mind knows no limits aside from those it accepts.”

That’s exactly what Ms Bullock is saying. Do not put limits to what you can achieve.

And when she said that what she dreams of becomes a reality, she is talking about “the Law of Attraction” and the power of visualization to get whatever we want to achieve, no matter how difficult or even seemingly impossible the goal is.

Another thought-provoking passage, taken from the movie “The Notebook,” was passed on to me by my dentist, Dr. Elaine Silva-Buenviaje.

It goes:

“Maybe we’ve lived a thousand lives before this and in each one of them, we’ve found each other. I know I’ve spent each life before this one searching for you—not someone like you, but you. For your soul and mine must always come together.”

This is precisely one of the things I teach and discuss in my seminar on Soulmates, Karma and Reincarnation. We seldom meet a person by accident for the soul never forgets.

Those we meet in a meaningful way are people we certainly had met in previous lives—yes, even those who hurt us. In each meeting is a lesson for us to learn. This is the inexorable law of karma. We always get what we deserve.

Another unforgettable quote I came across a long time ago is from the Peanuts character, Charlie Brown. He said, “You can’t solve new math problems with an old math mind.”

This can easily be a rallying cry for a change in one’s paradigm, especially in science and religion. New problems require new solutions, not merely raking up traditional answers. The world is changing so fast so that only those with the courage to change their long-held beliefs will be able to survive, or retain their sanity.

New discoveries in quantum physics, neuroscience and parapsychology are breaking down traditional ways we look at the physical world we live in.



Read more: http://lifestyle.inquirer.net/124733/we-seldom-meet-a-person-by-accident-the-soul-never-forgets#ixzz2eZnxhlIH

Handling Unreasonable & Difficult People (grab from the web)

Most of us encounter unreasonable people in our lives. We may be “stuck” with a difficult individual at work or at home. It’s easy to let a challenging person affect us and ruin our day. What are some of the keys to empowering yourself in such situations? Below are ten keys to handling unreasonable and difficult people. Keep in mind that these are general rules of thumb, and not all of the tips may apply to your particular situation. Simply utilize what works and leave the rest.



1. Keep Your Cool

Benefits: Maintain self control. Avoid escalation of problem.

How: The first rule in the face of an unreasonable person is to maintain your composure; the less reactive you are, the more you can use your better judgment to handle the situation.

When you feel angry or upset with someone, before you say something you might later regret, take a deep breath and count slowly to ten. In most circumstances, by the time you reach ten, you would have figured out a better way of communicating the issue, so that you can reduce, instead of escalate the problem. If you're still upset after counting to ten, take a time out if possible, and revisit the issue after you calm down.



2. "Fly Like an Eagle"

Benefits: More peace of mind. Reduce risk of friction.

How: Some people in our lives are simply not worth tussling with. Your time is valuable, so unless there’s something important at stake, don’t waste it by trying to change or convince a person who’s negatively entrenched. As the saying goes: “You can’t fly like an eagle if you hang out with turkeys!” Whether you’re dealing with a difficult colleague or an annoying relative, be diplomatic and apply the tips from this article when you need to interact with them. The rest of the time, keep a healthy distance.



3. Shift from Being Reactive to Proactive


Benefits: Minimize misinterpretation & misunderstanding. Concentrate energy on problem-solving.

How: When you feel offended by someone’s words or deeds, come up with at least two possible interpretations before reacting. For example, I may be tempted to think that my co-worker is ignoring my messages, or I can consider the possibility that she’s been very busy. When we avoid personalizing other people's behaviors, we can perceive their expressions more objectively. People do what they do because of them more than because of us. Widening our perspective on the situation can reduce the possibility of misunderstanding.

Another way to reduce personalization is to try to put ourselves in the difficult individual’s shoes, even for just a moment. For example, consider the person you’re dealing with, and complete the sentence: “It must not be easy….”

“My child is being so resistant. It must not be easy to deal with his school and social pressures…”

“My boss is really demanding. It must not be easy to have such high expectations placed on her performance by management…”

“My partner is so emotionally distant. It must not be easy to come from a family where people don’t express affection…”

To be sure, empathetic statements do not excuse unacceptable behavior. The point is to remind yourself that people do what they do because of their own issues. As long as we’re being reasonable and considerate, difficult behaviors from others say a lot more about them than they do about us. By de-personalizing, we can view the situation more objectively, and come up with better ways of solving the problem.



4. Pick Your Battles

Benefits: Save time, energy and grief. Avoid unnecessary problems and complications.

How: Not all difficult individuals we face require direct confrontation about their behavior. There are two scenarios under which you might decide not to get involved. The first is when someone has temporary, situational power over you. For example, if you’re on the phone with an unfriendly customer service representative, as soon as you hang up and call another agent, this representative will no longer have power over you.

Another situation where you might want to think twice about confrontation is when, by putting up with the difficult behavior, you derive a certain benefit. An example of this would be an annoying co-worker, for although you dislike her, she’s really good at providing analysis for your team, so she’s worth the patience. It’s helpful to remember that most difficult people have positive qualities as well, especially if you know how to elicit them (see keys #5 and 6).

In both scenarios, you have the power to decide if a situation is serious enough to confront. Think twice, and fight the battles that are truly worth fighting.



5. Seperate the Person From the Issue


Benefits: Establish yourself as a strong problem solver with excellent people skills. Win more rapport, cooperation and respect.

How: In every communication situation, there are two elements present: The relationship you have with this person, and the issue you are discussing. An effective communicator knows how to separate the person from the issue, and be soft on the person and firm on the issue. For example:

“I want to talk about what’s on your mind, but I can’t do it when you’re yelling. Let’s either sit down and talk more quietly, or take a time out and come back this afternoon.”

“I appreciate you putting a lot of time into this project. At the same time, I see that three of the ten requirements are still incomplete. Let’s talk about how to finish the job on schedule.”

“I really want you to come with us. Unfortunately, if you’re going to be late like the last few times, we’ll have to leave without you.”

When we’re soft on the person, people are more open to what we have to say. When we’re firm on the issue, we show ourselves as strong problem solvers.



6. Put the Spotlight on Them

Benefits: Proactive. Equalize power in communication. Apply appropriate pressure to reduce difficult behavior.

How: A common pattern with difficult people (especially the aggressive types) is that they like to place attention on you to make you feel uncomfortable or inadequate. Typically, they’re quick to point out there’s something not right with you or the way you do things. The focus is consistently on “what’s wrong,” instead of “how to solve the problem.”

This type of communication is often intended to dominate and control, rather than to sincerely take care of issues. If you react by being on the defensive, you simply fall into the trap of being scrutinized, thereby giving the aggressor more power while she or he picks on you with impunity. A simple and powerful way to change this dynamic is to put the spotlight back on the difficult person, and the easiest way to do so is to ask questions. For example:

Aggressor: “Your proposal is not even close to what I need from you.”

Response: “Have you given clear thought to the implications of what you want to do?”

Aggressor: “You’re so stupid.”

Response: “If you treat me with disrespect I’m not going to talk with you anymore. Is that what you want? Let me know and I will decide if I want to stay or go.”

Keep your questions constructive and probing. By putting the difficult person in the spotlight, you can help neutralize her or his undue influence over you.



7. Use Appropriate humor

Benefits: Disarm unreasonable and difficult behavior when correctly used. Show your detachment. Avoid being reactive. Problem rolls off your back.

How: Humor is a powerful communication tool. Years ago I knew a co-worker who was quite stuck up. One day a colleague of mine said “Hello, how are you?” to him. When the egotistical co-worker ignored her greeting completely, my colleague didn’t feel offended. Instead, she smiled good-naturedly and quipped: “That good, huh?” This broke the ice and the two of them started a friendly conversation. Brilliant.

When appropriately used, humor can shine light on the truth, disarm difficult behavior, and show that you have superior composure.



8. Change from Following to Leading


Benefit: Leverage direction and flow of communication.

How: In general, whenever two people are communicating, one is usually doing more leading, while the other is doing more following. In healthy communication, two people would take turns leading and following. However, some difficult people like to take the lead, set a negative tone, and harp on “what’s wrong” over and over.

You can interrupt this behavior simply by changing the topic. As mentioned earlier, utilize questions to redirect the conversation. You can also say “By the way…” and initiate a new subject. When you do so, you’re taking the lead and setting a more constructive tone.



9. Confront Bullies (Safely)

Benefits: Reduce or eliminate harmful behavior. Increase confidence and peace of mind.

How: The most important thing to keep in mind about bullies is that they pick on those whom they perceive as weaker, so as long as you remain passive and compliant, you make yourself a target. Many bullies are also cowards on the inside. When their victims begin to show backbone and stand up for their rights, the bully will often back down. This is true in schoolyards, as well as in domestic and office environments.

On an empathetic note, studies show that many bullies are victims of violence themselves. This in no way excuses bullying behavior, but may help you consider the bully in a more equanimous light.

“When people don't like themselves very much, they have to make up for it. The classic bully was actually a victim first.” — Tom Hiddleston

“Some people try to be tall by cutting off the heads of others.” — Paramhansa Yogananda

“I realized that bullying never has to do with you. It's the bully who's insecure.” — Shay Mitchell

When confronting bullies, be sure to place yourself in a position where you can safely protect yourself, whether it’s standing tall on your own, having other people present to witness and support, or keeping a paper trail of the bully’s inappropriate behavior. In cases of physical, verbal, or emotional abuse, consult with counseling, legal, law enforcement, or administrative professionals on the matter. It’s very important to stand up to bullies, and you don’t have to do it alone.



10. Set Consequence

Benefits: Proactive not reactive. Shift balance of power. Win respect and cooperation when appropriately applied.

How: The ability to identify and assert consequence(s) is one of the most important skills we can use to "stand down" a difficult person. Effectively articulated, consequence gives pause to the challenging individual, and compels her or him to shift from obstruction to cooperation.

In conclusion, to know how to handle unreasonable and difficult people is to truly master the art of communication. As you utilize these skills, you may experience less grief, greater confidence, better relationships, and higher communication prowess. You’re on your way to leadership success!

Social comparison on social networking sites is likely to lead to unhappiness. (grab from the web)

Are you jealous reading about others' amazing lives on Facebook? 


Media outlets have been aflurry with the publicizing of a new study that found that Facebook use is associated with lower levels of well-being over time. [1] This is not the first study to show that Facebook use has a negative impact on one’s mood and sense of self, however. Although a lot of early research highlighted the use of Facebook for expanding one’s social networks and growing social capital, considerable research has also identified many downsides from examining the content of our friends’ Facebook presentations.

Perhaps the primary reason we feel sad, jealous, or dissatisfied after using Facebook is because we are constantly making social comparisons based on incomplete or inaccurate information. One study found that the more time users spend on Facebook each week, the more likely they are to think that others were happier and having better lives than they themselves [2]. Another study found that looking at social networking profiles of attractive people (compared to unattractive people) led to greater body dissatisfaction and a more negative body image. Men who viewed profiles of successful men were less satisfied with their current career status than men who viewed profiles of less successful men [3]. Facebook can also evoke relational jealousy as users compare themselves to their perceived romantic competition on Facebook [4, 5].

“I want to look like a loser on Facebook!” said no one ever.

I use the term “presentations” to describe Facebook content because they are just that. “Profile” sounds too official, too real, too FBI. What active Facebook users really do on the site is make conscious decisions about what they post and share in order to achieve certain social goals. Researchers call this selective self-presentation. For many, those goals are to make themselves look as good as possible: attractive, popular, successful, enviable. Thus, the content of Facebook profiles is more of a compilation of our greatest hits than an honest track listing.

The problem is that humans have a natural tendency to compare ourselves to others to make judgments about ourselves. We makeupward social comparisons, where we compare ourselves to people we consider better off than we are, and downward social comparisons, where we compare ourselves to those who are worse off.

We also have a terrible habit of believing that we apply the right filters to our Facebook use when we don’t. If you ask a Facebook user directly, “Do you believe that everything you see on someone’s page is accurate?” he or she will inevitably say no. Most users are aware that people’s presentations on Facebook are selectively censored and inflated. When users actually view and process that content, though, they forget that part of the equation and tend to react more viscerally and emotionally to content instead of rationally. Thus, we are almost always making upward social comparisons that make us feel badly about ourselves.

For example, let’s say a friend posts a picture of her meal from a work lunch at a very fancy restaurant with the comment, “Paté for lunch at Café Glamorous. Work is sooo hard :) #roughlife.” You may know she hates everything about her job—and even that she hates paté—but that doesn’t mean you don’t experience jealousy. You compare the fact that she gets to lunch at a fancy restaurant to your lukewarm Lean Cuisine at your cubicle, rather than comparing the fact that she is miserable in her job whereas you actually kind of enjoy yours. That’s because she is choosing to selectively self-present only the Café Glamorous moments in her life on Facebook rather than posting about her 14 hour work days, her horrible boss, her petty co-workers, and her pittance of a salary. And, rather than weighing all your other knowledge about her work situation and feeling sorry for her, you are choosing to drool over the paté and be envious.

What to do

So how can you combat this tendency to self-compare? First, it never hurts to spend less time on Facebook in general. Simply removing the app from your phone is a good first step.

Second, if you know that specific people tend to make you feel down, remove their updates from your newsfeed and avoid visiting their pages. If you don’t have a reason to stay connected to them, consider the liberating experience of unfriending them entirely.

Third, don’t go on Facebook when you’re in a bad mood; reach out to friends through other channels rather than setting yourself up for social comparison time. Among all of your connections, you are guaranteed to find something that will make you feel worse, whether it’s a picture of your ex- with a hot new thang or your sibling’s perfect relationship or your friend’s complete inability to ever take a picture that isn’t flawless.

Finally, give yourself a reality check whenever you feel yourself getting jealous looking at a friend’s page. Don’t forget that you have plenty of good things in your life as well. And if you can’t think of one, try getting off of Facebook and finding one.

So i'd rather be blogging...

How Happy Are You?

The benefits of gratitude

There are numerous benefits to happiness. Happy people have healthier lives, are more creative, have lower blood pressure, more active immune systems, and are more productive in life to name just a few of the benefits.

A number of statements that people have made to describe how they feel are given below. Some statements describe positive feelings and some describe negative feelings. You may have experienced both positive and negative feelings at different times during the past seven days. Please read each statement and answer how frequently you felt that way in the past seven days, including today on a four point scale:

Never Rarely Sometimes Often

1. I felt dissatisfied with my life

2. I felt happy

3. I felt cheerless

4. I felt pleased with the way I am

5. I felt that life was enjoyable

6 I felt that life was meaningless


To work out your score, use the following scoring key to turn your answers into numbers.

For items 2, 4 and 5: Never = 0, rarely = 1, sometimes – 2, often = 3.

For items 1, 3 and 6: Never = 3, rarely = 2, sometimes = 1, often = 0.


Now using the scoring key above, add scores on all six items to give a total score. Your score will be somewhere between 0 and 18. Higher scores indicate greater levels of happiness. Most people score between 11 and 13. So if you score above 13 you may be happier than average.

It can be useful to know where we stand in relation to others. Most of us could be happier than we are, so what’s stopping us? For some people going through a crisis or loss it is understandable if they are less happy than they usually are. But for many of us what stops us being happy is the consumer dream sold to us by advertisers that happiness comes from having stuff. Some stuff we do need like food, shelter and a sense of safety, but beyond that stuff often makes us less happy because it diverts our attention from the fact that happiness comes from inside us.

Specifically, it comes from how we think and what we do. I’m not saying that people ought to go around thinking positively all the time, but it is easy to fall into the trap of always thinking negatively and forgetting to appreciate the good things in our lives. When we do take time out to appreciate the good things in our lives we experience more positive feelings, we sleep better, and we are more connected to other people and feel more optimistic.

So, take a few minutes now to think about three things that you feel grateful for. Think about the whole day and the things that went well, the pleasant moments and the friendly encounters. They could be big things that went well or little things. The point is to stop and notice them and reflect on how appreciative you feel.

Doing this can energise you, and it is even better if you make it a regular habit.

References

Questionnaire

Joseph, S., Linley, P. A., Harwood, J., Lewis, C. A., & McCollam, P. (2004). Rapid assessment of well-being: The short depression-happiness scale (SDHS). Psychology and psychotherapy: Theory, Research and Practice, 77, 463-478.

Gratitude

Wood, A., Joseph, S., & Linley, P. A. (2007). Gratitude: parent of all virtues. The Psychologist, 20, 18-21.

Self-help

Foreman, E. J., Elliott, C. H., & Smith, L. L. (2008). Overcoming depression for dummies. John Wiley: Chichester.

If you scored very low on the questionnaire it is possible that you are in a state of depression. It might be useful to consider seeking information from a self-help book such as that listed above or asking for advice from your General Practitioner.

50 Quotes to Help You Live Like You Were Dying (grab from the web)

Seize the day. Time is too precious to waste.

We so often fill our days with unnecessary stress and strife by focusing on the negative instead of the positive, taking part in mean-spirited and hurtful gossip, making mountains out of mole hills, or bickering over issues that in the larger scheme of things are inconsequential.

Here are a few quotes to help you bring things into better perspective because truly ... the time that we spend on such pettiness is too precious to waste.

♦ Don't be fooled by the calendar. There are only as many days in the year as you make use of. ~Charles Richards

♦ Enjoy yourself. It's later than you think. ~Chinese Proverb

♦ Go for it now. The future is promised to no one. ~Wayne Dyer

♦ Every man dies. Not every man really lives. ~Braveheart

♦ Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today. ~James Dean

♦ The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and for deeds left undone. ~Harriet Beecher Stowe, Little Foxes, 1865

♦ Life is not lost by dying; life is lost minute by minute, day by dragging day, in all the thousand small uncaring ways. ~Stephen Vincent Benét

♦ ... taking the long way home through the market I slow my pace down. It doesn't come naturally. My legs are programmed to trot briskly and my arms to pump up and down like pistons, but I force myself to stroll past the stalls and pavement cafes. To enjoy just being somewhere, rather than rushing from somewhere, to somewhere. Inhaling deep lungfuls of air, instead of my usual shallow breaths. I take a moment to just stop and look around me. And smile to myself. For the first time in a long time, I can, quite literally,smell the coffee. ~Alexandra Potter, The Two Lives of Miss Charlotte Merryweather

♦ Do it now! can affect every phase of your life. It can help you do the things you should do but don't feel like doing. It can keep you from procrastinating when an unpleasant duty faces you. But it can also help you do those things that you want to do. It helps you seize those precious moments that, if lost, may never be retrieved. ~Napoleon Hill

♦As you grow older, you'll find the only things you regret are the things you didn't do. ~Zachary Scott

♦ And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. ~Abraham Lincoln

♦ I'm less interested in why we're here. I'm wholly devoted to while we're here. ~Erika Harris

♦ To change one's life: Start immediately. Do it flamboyantly. No exceptions. ~William James

♦ A man that is young in years may be old in hours, if he has lost no time.~Francis Bacon, Essays

♦ You will never find time for anything. If you want time you must make it.~Charles Buxton

♦ Men for the sake of getting a living forget to live. ~Margaret Fuller

♦ Fear not that life shall come to an end, but rather fear that it shall never have a beginning. ~John Henry Cardinal Newman

♦ You live longer once you realize that any time spent being unhappy is wasted. ~Ruth E. Renkl

♦ You may delay, but time will not. ~Benjamin Franklin

♦ I wish I could stand on a busy corner, hat in hand, and beg people to throw me all their wasted hours. ~Bernard Berenson

♦ Many people die with their music still in them. Why is this so? Too often it is because they are always getting ready to live. Before they know it, time runs out. ~Oliver Wendell Holmes

♦ I held a moment in my hand, brilliant as a star, fragile as a flower, a tiny sliver of one hour. I dropped it carelessly, Ah! I didn't know, I held opportunity. ~Hazel Lee

♦ If you wait, all that happens is that you get older. ~Larry McMurtry, Some Can Whistle

♦ Minutes are worth more than money. Spend them wisely. ~Thomas P. Murphy

♦ The more side roads you stop to explore, the less likely that life will pass you by. ~Robert Brault♦ Begin doing what you want to do now. We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand, and melting like a snowflake. ~Marie Ray

♦ Every day of our lives we are on the verge of making those slight changes that would make all the difference. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

♦ Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got. ~Art Buchwald

♦ If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance. ~Andrea Boydston

♦ Life is always walking up to us and saying, "Come on in, the living's fine," and what do we do? Back off and take its picture. ~Russell Baker

♦ I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I lived just the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well. ~Diane Ackerman

♦ If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting? ~Stephen Levine

♦ Why be saddled with this thing called life expectancy? Of what relevance to an individual is such a statistic? Am I to concern myself with an allotment of days I never had and was never promised? Must I check off each day of my life as if I am subtracting from this imaginary hoard? No, on the contrary, I will add each day of my life to my treasure of days lived. And with each day, my treasure will grow, not diminish. ~Robert Brault

♦ The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time. ~Mark Twain

♦ Who knows whether the gods will add tomorrow to the present hour?~Horace

♦ I think I don't regret a single 'excess' of my responsive youth—I only regret, in my chilled age, certain occasions and possibilities I didn't embrace. ~Henry James

♦ Every day is an opportunity to make a new happy ending. ~Author Unknown

♦ Life is not long, and too much of it must not pass in idle deliberation how it shall be spent. ~Samuel Johnson

♦ Life is what happens to us while we are making other plans. ~Allen Saunders, 1957

♦ Lost time is never found again. ~Benjamin Franklin

♦ I wasted time, and now doth time waste me. ~William Shakespeare

♦ Only that day dawns to which we are awake. ~Henry David Thoreau

♦ Every second is of infinite value. ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

♦ We are always getting ready to live but never living. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

♦ Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. ~Sydney J. Harris

♦ You only live once; but if you live it right, once is enough. ~Adam Marshall

♦ When one has a great deal to put into it a day has a hundred pockets.~Friedrich Nietzsche, Human, All Too Human

♦ Each day comes bearing its own gifts. Untie the ribbons. ~Ruth Ann Schabacker

♦ The moment when you first wake up in the morning is the most wonderful of the twenty-four hours. No matter how weary or dreary you may feel, you possess the certainty that, during the day that lies before you, absolutely anything may happen. And the fact that it practically always doesn't, matters not a jot. The possibility is always there. ~Monica Baldwin

♦ Don't ever save anything for a special occasion. Being alive is the special occasion. ~Author Unknown

Words of Wisdom: 10 Wise Quotes to Live By (Grab from the web)

A gathering of wisdom quotes from some of our world's wisest

Isaac Asimov, author of Isaac Asimov's Book of Science and natureQuotations, writes, "The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom." Here are some words of wisdom to live by in a world that has us spinning faster than ever.

By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest. -Confucius

Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom. -Thomas Jefferson

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk. -Doug Larson

Wisdom is not a product of schooling but of the lifelong attempt to acquire it. -Albert Einstein

Never mistake knowledge for wisdom. One helps you make a living; the other helps you make a life. -Sandra Carey

Preconceived notions are the locks on the door to wisdom. -Merry Browne

When written in Chinese, the word 'crisis' is composed of two characters. One represents danger and the other represents opportunity. -John F. Kennedy

The teacher who is indeed wise does not bid you to enter the house of his wisdom but rather leads you to the threshold of your mind. -Khalil Gibran

Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists in not exceeding the limit. -Elbert Hubbard

The Power of Passion Grab from the web)

To achieve great things, you need passion

I'm often asked what drives high-achievers. The answer is simple—passion.

"A consuming passion is the last thing you think about before you go to bed at night and the first thing you think about when you wake up," says Brian Schwartz, author of the award-winning 50 Interviews series. "It feels like an addiction, and if someone told you to stop, it would be impossible for you to give it up." Schwartz explains that those who have been lucky enough to recognize and pursue their passion(s) don't really care if they are getting paid to do it or not. It's a part of their purpose, their calling in life, and without it, something is missing.Why is passion such a powerful motivator? Here are a few thoughts on the subject from professionals from various walks of life who have found it and want to help others to do the same.







John Maxwell, motivational speaker and author on leadership, describes passion as "the fuel for will." Passion, says Maxwell, turns "have-to’s into want-to’s." he takes the position that if you want something badly enough, you will find the willpower to achieve it and you won't stop trying until you do.

Life coach Jan Gordon describes passion as "the essense of commitment." She says, "Passion is that which deeply stirs us. It's the fire from within and that which motivates us. When passion is missing, our actions lack meaning and we don't get the results we want ... passion is the seed from which commitment blossoms!"

However, pursuing your passion is not as simple or as easy as some people make it sound. Yes, we've all heard stories about those once-in-a-lifetime moments where what someone loves to do falls right into their laps. However, this is the rare exception rather than the rule. For most people, making time in their lives to do what they love takes patience, hard work, and persistence.

It also depends on what you are passionate about. Some people are fortunate enough to have passions that fit nicely into a business model or into the business world, so if they work hard enough, are patient enough, and are persistent enough, they can turn their passion into a realisticcareer. Unfortunately, that's not the case for everyone. But that doesn't mean you have to forego pursuing your passion.

Work is only one component of our lives (or it should be). If you're passionate about feeding the poor or helping the homeless, you don't have to get a job in a soup kitchen or at a homeless shelter. You just need to make the commitment to find time and opportunities to get out there and help. In today's overscheduled world, is it hard to carve out some time to do things you truly love? It certainly can be. But no one who seriously talks about pursuing their passion ever says it is easy. They do, however, unequivocally say that it's worth the effort.

Lastly, as Schwartz points out, it's important to remember that passion requires fuel to grow and one of the best ways to get that fuel is to share it with others. "Just like a plant needs water, your passion needs to be nurtured a little bit every day in order for it to grow to the point where it becomes obvious to you and the rest of the world," says Schwartz.

There is no passion to be found playing small—in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living. —Nelson Mandela

© 2013 Sherrie Bourg Carter, All Rights Reserved

Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow

Dealing With People Who Drain You
Three simple steps to slay energy vampires
Published on March 3, 2012 by Sherrie Bourg Carter, Psy.D. in High Octane Women

They're all around us. People who suck all the positive energy out of us to fuel their relentless hunger for negativity, leaving us feeling drained, exhausted, and unhappy. And whatever you call them—energy vampires, energy suckers, or just unhappy, negative people—they can wreak havoc on our lives if we don't have effective strategies to deal with them.

Energy vampires are often personality disordered people who tend to be:
intrusive, showing poor boundaries
overly dramatic, making mountains out of mole hills
overly critical, finding fault with just about everyone and everything in their lives
chronic complainers, rarely finding anything to their liking or meeting their satisfaction
argumentative, having trouble agreeing with others, even on things that seem insignificant or inconsequential
relentlessly demanding and persistent, being unable to take no for an answer
constantly negative, always seeing the glass half empty
unable to accept responsibility, blaming everyone but themselves for their actions and problems

But there is no reason for you to allow their problems to become yours. Here are three simple steps to help you deal with people who drain you.

Know one when you see one. The negative nature of energy vampires is not always readily apparent when you first meet them. At first, their quirkiness may intrigue you, their gossip and stories may leave you wanting to hear more, their dramatic flair may entertain you, or their hard luck stories may suck you in. Soon, however, you begin to realize something is wrong. Don't ignore those feelings. Tune in to them. Pay close attention to your instincts and your physical reactions after your encounters. If you find yourself experiencing muscle tension, loss of energy, headaches, irritability, sadness, mental confusion, or negativity, you likely have an energy vampire in your midst.
Limit your contact. Once you've identified them, limit the amount of time you spend with them. If you can't avoid them completely, such as in the case of family members or coworkers, set firm limits. For example, for those who are intrusive or overly dramatic and end up consuming a lot of your time with their tales of woe or displays of theatrics, you should start off conversations with something like, "I only have a few minutes before I have to [fill in the blank]." Once the time is up, politely disengage.
Don't get pulled in. No matter how much you might like to think or hope you will be able to fix their problems, you won't. Chronically negative people will either resist your interventions or create new crises in their lives for you to "fix." The truth is that in cases of personality disordered people even the best therapists in the world have difficulty effectuating change. In short, their problems are beyond your ability to "fix." Your best strategy is to protect yourself by setting clear and firm limits. For example, for those who are very needy or insecure and constantly want your guidance, resist offering solutions, Instead, say something like, "I'm confident that you'll be able to find the right solution on your own," and excuse yourself. You don't have to be rude. You can be firm in a kind and empathic way.


In the times we live in today, energy, especially the positive kind, is a precious commodity. It's not something you should willingly give up to the negative power of those who want to steal your energy. Instead, keep a positive attitude and surround yourself with positive people who leave you feeling upbeat and energized. In the words of Helen Keller, "Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow."

TAKE NOTE OF THE LITTLE THINGS AROUND YOU (grab from the web)

TAKE NOTE OF THE LITTLE THINGS AROUND YOU...

I had a very special teacher in high school many years ago whose husband unexpectedly died of a heart attack. About a week later his death, she shared some of her insights with us.

As the late afternoon sunlight came streaming in through the classroom windows and the class was nearly over, she moved a few things aside on the edge of her desk and sat down there. With a gentle look of reflection on her face, she paused and said, “Before class is over, I would like to share with all of you a thought that is unrelated to class, but which I feel is very important.”

“Each of us is put here on earth to learn, share, love, appreciate and give of ourselves. None of us knows when this fantastic experience will end. It can be taken away at any moment. Perhaps this is a way of telling us that we must make the most out of every single day.”

Her eyes beginning to water, she went on, “So I would like you all to make me a promise. From now on, on your way to school, or on your way home, find something beautiful to notice. It doesn’t have to be something you see, it could be a scent – perhaps of freshly baked bread wafting out of someone’s house, or it could be the sound of the breeze slightly rustling the leaves in the trees, or the way the morning light catches the autumn leaf as it falls gently to the ground.

Please look for these things, and cherish them. For, although it may sound trite to some, these things are the “stuff” of life. The little things we are put here on earth to enjoy. The things we often take for granted. We must make it important to notice them, for at any time…it can all be taken away.” The class was completely quiet. We all picked up our books and filed out of the room silently.

That afternoon, I noticed more things on my way home from school than had that whole semester. Every once in a while, I think of that teacher and remember what an impression she made on all of us, and I try to appreciate all of those things that sometimes we all overlook.

The poor rich

Moments
The poor rich
By Fr. Jerry M. Orbos SVD
Philippine Daily Inquirer

Read more: http://opinion.inquirer.net/58053/the-poor-rich#ixzz2azZip5Uz
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The story is told about an elderly rich man who asked the trainer at the gym which exercise machine would impress the ladies around. The dismayed trainer looked at him and said: “Sir, maybe you can try the ATM at the gym entrance door.”

* * *

In today’s Gospel (Lk. 12, 13-21), Jesus warns us not to rely on worldly wealth and possessions for our security. Our true security is in God. Everything and everyone else are false security. When we arrive at the doorsteps of eternity, all worldly power and wealth will fade away. We carry nothing with us when we leave this world except the love and goodness we have shared. Poor are the rich who think they can buy everything and everyone.

* * *

Being rich is in itself not a sin. But being filthy rich is. Is your money a result of hard and honest work? Were others affected in the course of amassing your wealth?

* * *

Being greedy rich is also a sin. How much have you shared and how much are you sharing? Are you generous? Are your hands that have received so much also open to give much? Generosity liberates. Greed imprisons.

* * *

Being proudly rich is also a sin. When we remove God from the throne and worship ourselves and our wealth, and when we make people subject to us because of our wealth, then we commit the sin of idolatry. May we never forget that God is God, and that there is no greater god among us.

* * *

It can happen also that one can be filthy poor, greedy poor, and proudly poor. The point is that rich or poor, what matters is not what we hold or not hold in our hands, but what we have or do not have in our hearts. The heart is where real poverty exists. One who does not have God in his/her heart is really, really poor.

* * *

Today is the Feast of St. John Mary Vianney, a simple, saintly priest who lived a life of simplicity and poverty, ministering to his flock with much love and devotion, especially in the Sacrament of Reconciliation, hearing confessions up to 20 hours a day in the confessional. I was in Ars, France, last May, and I saw his church and his lowly home. It was a humbling experience. Indeed, we do not need much in this life. We can do without a lot in this life.

* * *

There is a lowly guava tree in our compound at Christ the King Seminary that is visited by so many people at any time of the day. Why? Because it is generous in giving its fruits. I am sure it is not easy for the poor tree to be climbed upon, or stoned, but it keeps on giving anyway. Generosity is a virtue, but it can also be abused, but that is not a reason for virtue to cease. This lowly guava tree teaches us to give generously and joyfully, until it hurts.

* * *

Try to visit a retirement house or an old folks’ home, and you will realize that life is not about riches and wealth in the end. Indeed, life is not so much about quantity as quality.

* * *

Try to visit a hospital, especially the intensive care unit, and you will realize that no amount of money and wealth can prevent death when the time to go has come. Money can help prolong life or postpone death, but death will surely come.

* * *

Try to visit a cemetery, and there you will realize what the Lord tells us today: “You fool, this night will be demanded of you; and the things you have prepared, to whom will they belong?” For whom, for what, did you have so much?

* * *

“Perhaps all of life is no more than a long preparation for leaving it.” (J. Barnville) Do you have an “exit plan”? Aside from your retirement plan, and beyond your memorial plan, have you thought about how you plan to exit from this life? And to which direction?

* * *

Please don’t forget that life is a journey to God’s heart. Don’t focus on the provisions for the journey, for these may make you lose your way. Focus neither on the comforts of the journey for these may make you stop, and want to stay. Keep in mind your mission and final destination as we journey on.

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Recently, a list of the richest men in the Philippines came out, which included Henry Sy ($12 billion), Lucio Tan ($7.5 billion), Andrew Tan ($4.6 billion), and John Gokongwei ($3.4 billion). Wow. I cannot even imagine how much a billion is. We congratulate them for their achievement. But more than their achievement, we congratulate them if they have a real commitment to our nation, especially to the marginalized and the poor. Many of us will not make it to the list, nor do we aspire to. A case of sour grapes? Not really. Maybe just forward-looking.

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Think about this: “Do not look forward to what might happen tomorrow. The same everlasting Father who cares for you today, will take care of your tomorrow and every day.

Either He will shield you from suffering or He will give you unfailing strength to bear it. Be at peace then. Put aside all anxious thoughts and imaginations.”

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A moment with the Lord:

Remind us Lord that what matters most in the end is not what we hold in our hands but what and who we have in our hearts. Amen.

LEARN, TRY, STAY and CARE. (grab from the web)

Four words that make life worthwhile
Over the years as I've sought out ideas, principles and strategies to life's challenges, I've come across four simple words that can make living worthwhile.

First, life is worthwhile if you LEARN. What you don't know WILL hurt you. You have to have learning to exist, let alone succeed. Life is worthwhile if you learn from your own experiences—negative or positive. We learn to do it right by first sometimes doing it wrong. We call that a positive negative. We also learn from other people's experiences, both positive and negative.…Learning from other people's experiences and mistakes is valuable information because we can learn what not to do without the pain of having tried and failed ourselves.





We learn by what we see, so pay attention. We learn by what we hear, so be a good listener. Now I do suggest that you should be a selective listener, don't just let anybody dump into your mental factory. We learn from what we read so learn from every source; learn from lectures; learn from songs; learn from sermons; learn from conversations with people who care. Always keep learning.

Second, life is worthwhile if you TRY. You can't just learn; now you have to try something to see if you can do it. Try to make a difference, try to make some progress, try to learn a new skill, try to learn a new sport. It doesn't mean you can do everything, but there are a lot of things you can do, if you just try. Try your best. Give it every effort. Why not go all out?

Third, life is worthwhile if you STAY. You have to stay from spring until harvest. If you have signed up for the day or for the game or for the project—see it through. Sometimes calamity comes and then it is worth wrapping it up. And that's the end, but just don't end in the middle. Maybe on the next project you pass, but on this one, if you signed up, see it through.

And lastly, life is worthwhile if you CARE. If you care at all you will get some results, if you care enough you can get incredible results. Care enough to make a difference. Care enough to turn somebody around. Care enough to start a new enterprise. Care enough to change it all. Care enough to be the highest producer. Care enough to set some records. Care enough to win.

Four powerful little words:
LEARN, TRY, STAY and CARE.

What difference can you make in your life today
by putting these words to work?

Be good at what you do (grab from the web)

One of the most basic elements of teamwork is this: Be good at what you do.

Teams need talent. The more of it you bring to the group, the more you can contribute. Build your skills, and, in a very real sense, you are building the team.

You can't have a high-powered team with low-talent people. And sometimes the weakest link in the chain sets the limit on what the group as a whole can achieve.

So keep stretching. Polish your skills and perfect your moves. Master the fundamentals of your job.





Strive for continuous improvement—the Japanese call it kaizen—so the team never stops growing. Keep getting better at your craft, and you can do more to help the team chalk up higher scores. Any time you level off in your learning, the potential of the overall group flattens out a little more. And teamwork always takes a hit whenever people start to lose their touch.

Also keep this in mind—unless you're competent, people really can't afford to count on you. You're best positioned to build a high trust level in the group when you bring talent. Individual ability.

Give teammates good reasons to believe in you. Keep getting better at what you do.

keep life simple, go bike riding

once upon a ride...

once upon a ride...

Learn To Take It Easy and Enjoy Life (grab from the web)

Can you remember your childhood days? During those times, nothing yet seemed complicated - all we had to think about were crayons, cookies, or Santa Claus. We didn't care about the things we didn't know because we were just too oblivious of the things that might bother us.

But as we grow older, we get anxious with the things that surround us - life and death, loving and parting, success and failure, to name a few. We find that almost everyday, we are obliged to be concerned about people or events.
 


Nevertheless, always keep this in mind: Don't take things as if they are responsible for the way you feel. Events or situations do not trouble you. How you look at them does.

If you miss those carefree days, you just have to look back at how you used to view things then, and you will know what to do now. Here's a guide to make sure you won't lose your way:

Cherish the simple things: Trust in the power of a smile or laughter, a kiss or a hug. Believe in kindness, honesty, dreams, and imagination. Living positively is the first step to becoming happy.

Loosen up. Laugh at your mistakes. You might remember the time when you were delivering your speech and your mind went completely blank right in the middle of delivering it. It's embarrassing. But most likely, your audience will forget about it in a day or two. We all mess up occasionally. The good thing is that people tend to forget such situations.

Surround yourself with what you love. Get a pet. Retain film moments as keepsakes. Keep away from those that drag you down. If that high-paying job makes you sulk at the thought of having to go to work, find a job you like first before quitting. If some people force you to comply even if you think of doing otherwise, stay away from their company. Don't put off. Go on that trip. Take your Master's. You'll never know the extent of your life. Do something, while you can.

Don't push yourself too hard trying to please everyone. You just can't. And it never seems to be worth it anyway. When you want to make somebody's day, start with your loved ones.
 

Keep fit. Be that attractive person you always picture yourself to be. Cherish your health. It's the best way of showing you are putting your best face forward.

Do not assume. Don't fret about forgetting your speech before you actually do it. Don't worry about not getting the job you want because you might mess up at the interview. It's good to expect the worst; but don't end up expecting only the worst.

Alter your way of thinking. When you're being ridiculed, criticized about your family background, or condemned for past mistakes, put on deaf ears. Don't believe everything you hear. You know yourself better than everybody else does. Never wallow in self-pity. 
Remember: Don't get upset over things just because it's how most people would react when faced with the same situation. When you find yourself being negative - angry, down, jealous, etc. - you also unknowingly drain your energy and enthusiasm. You just have to try keeping these negative feelings in the low, because giving in to these emotions would sometimes make you unreasonable, and you might end up making bad decisions.

Happiness is always in your grasp. You can attain it, as long as you know how.